Shaadi struggle: 6 ways to avoid marrying the wrong guy!

If you’re somebody who is being constantly rattled by ‘rishtey wali aunties’ and your relatives about marriage, you know the pressure is heavier than a fireman’s hose. While you have been swiping right and left on a matrimonial site wondering where all the good men are, take your time to realize what you want in a partner. 

Marriage cannot be streamlined to a perfect pick. Everyone is different with their likes, dislikes, and complexities of the mind. The definition of a good life partner for your friend may not suit your personal interests. And the reason is quite simple – it’s not a one size fits all deal! There are different interests, achievements and life goals that one takes into consideration before making the right choice.

We, thereby, regret to inform you there is no spell or magic potion to find a perfect partner. The first step to attract a good partner is to develop an awareness of your own interests. 

If you’re reading this and thinking out loud, “How can I tell if this person will make a good life partner? How do I know this person is right for me? What is the most important thing I should ask him?”, here’s some help for you!

Dr Kedar Tilwe, Consultant-Psychiatrist, Fortis Hospital Mulund and Fortis Hiranandani Hospital, Vashi, Mumbai, spoke to HealthShots about the things you need to keep in consideration when meeting somebody to marry. 

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6 things to keep in mind before choosing a man for marriage:

1. Communicate

They say, communication is the key. It is very vital to communicate and try to know the person in an arranged marriage setup or even when dating . “If possible, have a couple of conversations before meeting up and be mindful of the person’s behavior during the call”, suggests Dr Tilwe

2. Notice his behaviour closely

While meeting up for the first time, see if the individual is overtly dominating or dismissive of other people’s or your point of view during the conversation. This may give you a clear indication of how receptive he is likely to be in case of situations or solutions that are not to his liking.

3. Look for his goals

When meeting a marriage prospect, Dr. Tilwe advises to get a clear idea of his goals and targets for both personal and professional plans. The person you are with needs to be reality-focused and doesn’t overtly believe in whims and fancies. Make sure that he is not going to be entirely dependent on you for emotional or financial needs!

4. Read into his family values and expectations

Once you’re in conversation with a guy, try to understand his values, beliefs, and expectations in life. Making some effort in getting an idea of how his relationship is with his family and friends may help. Dr. Tilwe says, “Also, see if this person is capable of sustaining long-term acquaintances. And, if not, what the reason was for calling it off.”

5. Trust your instincts

It must have happened with you before that you don’t get the right vibes from a person and it proved right. In case you are meeting somebody new, it is necessary to trust your gut feeling. It is crucial to see if you can relax in his presence and have a flowing light-hearted conversation. “Notice it if you can smile about the same things together. If not, it is the biggest red flag possible,” adds Dr Tilwe.

6. See how he treats you

Notice every little detail closely. See if he pulls a chair for you, keeps the door open or serves you first. See how a person treats you post the meeting. Check if the conversation has the same spark even when you are not in each other’s presence. It will also be good to see if he can respect your views. Notice if the behaviour is consistent over a couple of meetings.

The last word

Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. It will be as crucial as choosing the right college, buying a house,  and deciding a career. The decision of a life partner will impact all the other arenas of your life. 

It is an important decision and needs some good amount of brainstorming. It is vital because you’re not just choosing your own companion for life but a father to your kids and a son-in-law to your parents. Make that decision wisely and not in haste so that they will hopefully love you when you’re both old and wrinkly. Here’s to choosing happy relationships!